So as it turns out, I couldn’t stay away.
It has been two months since my last visit with George. Two months since entering remission, and two months of ‘normal’ life.
Sometimes a whole day will pass and I won’t think about cancer, and by sometimes I mean maybe once or twice. I will wake up feeling amazing, or come home from work after a great day but catch my reflection. I still look like this. I try not to dwell on it, my hair is growing at a rapid rate, my scars are healing and my port is gone (yeha!) Life is only getting better. Besides, even though it’s short and fuzzy, I’ll appreciate the hair I’ve got. I won’t be making that mistake twice.
I thought my blogging days were done, but a few weeks ago something made me mad. Ryan will tell you that this is nothing new and that someone breathing too loudly would make me mad, but the weird part about this one is that I didn’t know why. ‘Make up free selfies’ were showing up all over my Facebook feed, on the news (thanks Beyonce) and were the topic of conversation. At their mention I would roll my eyes, and if questioned, just stated that I don’t understand their benefit.
I saw this article on Facebook a few times and skipped over it, until tonight when I just happened to read it. Read it then come back to the post.
Did you read it? Good.
This is exactly why I hate these selfies. I still look in the mirror every day and don’t recognise myself, and I’m the lucky one. I may have mentioned before, (and if I haven’t I really should have,) that before I got sick, I wasn’t overly thrilled with my appearance; but and lets face it, how many of us will honestly put our hands up and say that they are? Adding chemo to the mix adds further insecurities. To look at these photos of women with beautiful hair, amazing skin, no steroid induced puff around their face and colour to their complexion that doesn’t resemble vanilla ice cream; thinking that they have been brave for posting a photo without makeup, a photo of them at their very worst possible appearance, well it hurts. I would have killed to look like that..
I know people’s hearts are in the right place. I know that people generally don’t set out to upset others, and most importantly I know that these selfies have helped give the Cancer Council a small cash injection. But we all know about cancer, hell you’d be hard to find a person that hasn’t been directly affected by it. Good intentions are wonderful, but I just think that they could maybe be executed in another way.
I’ll now step off my soap box and leave you with a photo I am yet to show anyone. In hindsight I’m bloody proud of that smile I was wearing on that day; and tomorrow I will wake up smiling, because I was lucky enough to get through it.