Some things in life are just really nice to hear. Others not so much.
“Best case scenario, bad glandular fever, worst case leukemia.” Was not nice, but when walking into a class and hearing a kid ask “Do we have you?” Then hearing the cheer as you nod your head gives you warm and fuzzy feelings inside.
“Sometimes I forget you have cancer” would have to be the best thing I’ve heard whilst being a cancer patient, however being reffered to “cancer patient” was not overly pleasent. It’s funny that even as I type the word, over and over again, I feel a bit sick. Its such a gross term, one that makes me think of old people and dying.. rather than myself four months ago. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. Even when I play my cancer card, it’s so weird.
Months ago, when I was talking about getting a wig, I said that I didn’t want to be known as the girl with cancer. My step dad said to me, “but you are, you have cancer.” It wasn’t nice to hear then, and it isn’t overly lovely to repeat. I was, and to a degree – still am, scared that my cancer was going to define me, and that I will always be that person. So I was somewhat relieved when one afternoon Maggie started telling me about how wonderful it would be to have someone wash and blowdry her hair right now.. and the look of shock and guilt on her face was funnier when I agreed with her. To her I wasn’t a “cancer patient” I was just her friend.
The better I feel, the more I am in denial about what’s occured for me this year. My new normal is becoming less new, and more ordinary, as I get to work more and more, and get back into sport and the things I used to enjoy. Even after treatment, it isn’t long again until I can go back to having fun with my friends and going to work. I promise I’ll never complain about a Monday ever again!
I like to surround myself with people who treat me like my new normal, is just regular. The best things to hear are not anything about being sick, having cancer, or getting treatment. It isn’t being told I’m brave, inspirational or that I have a good attitude; but it’s the common, even mundane conversations that I love, now that’s how to make a girl smile.
59 days to go.