“Anticipating pain is like enduring it twice. Why not anticipate pleasure instead?” (Robin Hobb)
It seems a simple idea, to not dred the forthcoming days, and as I attempt to look past them and to what’s coming next, I think I am succeeding.
I can’t wait until tomorrow afternoon, it will mean I only have three treatments left. Three is so much less than four. Three treatments occur over six weeks. That is no time at all. In teacher terms, its just more than half a term, and terms somehow manage to always just disappear. Time flies when you’re having fun, however I also think that time flies when you are short of it -so I intend on keeping as busy as possible. You’ll see me visit some special people in Sydney, and climb the bridge if I don’t chicken out. I’ll be bopping around school, playing basketball, and attempting to finish off my Masters.
Dad’s voice sounds pretty strongly in my head “Aren’t you supposed to be resting?” but I see the next six weeks as preparing to go back to real life, warming up if you will. Considering this post, and maybe the few before it, it’s probably time to change the name of my blog. My New Normal was about adjusting, and getting through. However I’m not just getting through anymore. Technically, I no longer have cancer, and in 43 days I won’t be having chemo anymore either.
A bit of an update for you all, yesterday I had a lung function test. In these tests they put a massive peg on your nose, ask you to breath normally, then do a range of breathing combinations, breathing in, blowing out, holding your breath etc. I’ve had four now, and up until yesterday, hated them with a passion. I found them so hard, thanks to the fluid in my lungs, around my heart and the lovely lymphoma I had impacting on my wind pipe. But yesterday was so easy! The graph on my report shows a large improvement, that’s the only part I know how to read. It has been a while since I’ve had a good win, and even if it is against myself a few weeks ago, don’t even care, it feels good to kick my own butt.
My hair is growing back. I’m not sure if it will fall out again, and it is still very thin, so you still won’t catch me without my scarves for a while yet. Tomorrow I go from having four chemo drugs, down to three. I don’t think it will make my recovery any different, but we will wait and see.
43 days to go.